Effortless Effort and the War on War

Of all the different types of meditation Zen seemed the most practical to me and the easiest to combine with prayer. So I bought a book called Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind by Shunryu Suzuki and started intro classes at the local Zen Center. One of the key’s to practice is “Effortless Effort”. There are some things that an effortless effort comes natural for me. It’s an effortless effort for me to relate to most people, dance, clean, give massage, write, deal with children, read aloud, be in the moment, feed my curiosity, teach myself, put myself in a good mood, feel grounded in my body and multi tasking at work. Doing these things in a balanced natural effortless way comes natural to me.  It is quite an effort for me however to get to this naturally balanced effortless effort while exercising, contemplation, prayer, meditating, playing chess, creating visual art, researching, analyzing, coming to some grand Ah Ha moment, and falling in love. With these things I tend to exert too much energy, too much concentration, too much brooding or just flat out am in a too much struggle with myself. My sheer will power is my greatest asset and my worst enemy.

At heart I’m a huntress, an Amazon, a lioness, Queen Cleopatra, a nun, a matriarch, a protective nurturer and a gypsy flamenco dancer. There is no flame of passion scorching my heart, it’s a freaking blow torch! Learning that I can’t control its intensity but instead how to handle this blow torch of passion safely and how to find “the path to least resistance” with it is my cross to bare. I started meditating and using the Lord’s Prayer to help me with these things on my own a year before I actually got formal instruction. It has truly seemed to have helped me get some objectivity with my passions, be more compassionate and accepting of myself. I’ve learned to find what it is that I truly value in life so I can be realistic when setting goals that coincide with my abilities and general timeline. I’m also more patient with myself and am more able to realize my passions are carrying me away as it is happening. All of this has transferred from my practice to the way I relate and how I see others as well. Although I’ve gained some head way in these areas I am a beginner and hope to grow more fully into these until they are more automatic as I continue in my practice.

“Strictly speaking, any effort we make is not good for our practice because it creates waves in our mind.  It is impossible, however, to attain absolute calmness of our mind without any effort.  We must make some effort, but we must forget ourselves in the effort we make.  In this realm there is no subjectivity or objectivity.  Our mind is just calm, without even any awareness.  In this unawareness, every effort and every idea and thought will vanish.  So it is necessary for us to encourage ourselves and to make an effort up to the last moment, when all effort disappears.  You should keep your mind on your breathing until you are not aware of your breathing.
We should try to continue our effort forever, but we should not expect to reach some stage when we will forget all about it.  We should just try to keep our mind on our breathing.  That is our actual practice.  That effort will be refined more and more while you are sitting.  At first the effort you make is quite rough and impure, but by the power of practice the effort will become purer and purer.  When your effort becomes pure, your body and mind become pure.  This is the way we practice Zen.  Once you understand our innate power to purify ourselves and our surroundings, you can act properly, and you will learn from those around you, and you will become friendly with others.  This is the merit of Zen practice.”

After being particularly frustrated with myself last weekend I woke up on Sunday deciding that I would spend the entire day doing things I struggle with and practice getting to an effortless effort. It was a beautiful day so the first stop would be the park to go jogging. I had been listening to Wilco’s Yankee Foxtrot Hotel album in my car and when I started it the 4^th track “A War on War” came on. Something made me wat to pay extra attention to the song this time, it gave me the song for my day.

At the beginning of my jog I felt like I was lugging a meat suit about until I realized I was struggling too much. I stopped, got into my breath then slowly started focusing on the movements and the feelings in my body as I walked. I paid attention to my breath as I walked and slowly sped up until I was in a jog all the while staying as focused in my body awareness as possible. This method helped me to jog for a longer duration each time. I did this for 3 miles then walked the last mile people watching, feeling the sun, enjoying the breeze and chatting with others. In my final mile I saw a guy with the same band t-shirt I was wearing. He was going the opposite way; we smiled and waved at each other. I even bumped in to a good friend I hadn’t seen in a while on my way out of the park.

After the park I left for evening Zazen. I was the first to arrive so I waited on the porch listening to the sound of the evening breeze blowing through the palms that are planted along the sides of the beautiful old house that is the Zen center. I thought about my struggles with the experience of “falling” for someone. Why did I have to fight it so much? Shouldn’t I be lucky that I’m able to at all, that I can see the negative qualities in someone and not only still find the value in them but not want them to change? Some people are so closed off they’ve given up. I can’t control the outcome and resisting it seems to make it intensify it so I gave in. Right there on that porch I decided to use a little reverse psychology on myself, shed the protectionism and let myself reap all the benefits of being “en Amor”. I thought "Well I’m here so I might as well roll around in it". I like the enhanced “joie de vivre”, loss of appetite, urge to increase exercise, and wanting to take extra time getting ready. "Que Sera Sera!"

Evening Zazen is a 20 min sitting meditation, a 15 min walking meditation, and then another 20 min sitting meditation. I was the first there so when they opened I did my bowing and went straight to my usual mat. I had already begun when the others got there and the official sound was given by the lead to begin. It was a difficult sit because of all the energy I had from my jog. Staying with my breath and not letting any thoughts take me away was easy. However, the urge to jump up and move around was strong, then my leg fell asleep. Walking meditation was a relief and the last sit went very well I had finally given in to the sit. When it was over I went straight outside to put my shoes on and suddenly heard a man’s voice saying “Hey I know you”, it was the Mr. T-shirt from the park! We talked about our practice and I mentioned I did massage. He was excited to hear it since his therapist had just moved out of town. So he asked for my number and said “ I like your spunk, I've really enjoyed speaking with you. I hope I get to see you soon…..next Sunday?” I smiled and said “maybe”. Coincidences never cease to amaze me.

Later that night I went to my friend’s studio to work on an art project that I started but missed the deadline for. The project was to create something from a wooden heart. I had a tough time deciding on what to do but on the way over decided on an idea. I was simply going to paint it red and stencil the phrase “A Beginner’s Guide” on it. I spent the rest of the evening enjoying the company of my friend and casually working on my project. I left it to finish another day. It was a refreshing experience for me as I usually work on something feverishly until it’s done. And so it was a wonderful Valentine's day of self love and practicing "Effortless Effort" in my “War on War”, while “moving toward the path of least resistance.” Soldier on!






Zen and the Concept of Intensity without Tension, a lecture by Manly P Hall