Since I've come into increased body awareness and further along in my meditation practice it seems that I can listen and hear much more clearly. I came to work last Thursday and found an overly generous Thank You card on my desk from a former co-worker that got a new job.
"Girl! Where do I even begin? Thank God I met you. You are so fierce, strong and the most confident woman I have ever met. Plus, you have the wisdom of a philosopher! (I'm no philosopher, the only golden nugget I have of "wisdom" is that I know I don't know $hit! So I try hard to keep a "beginner's mind"). I will miss your sense of humor, and our chats in the file room as well as those cigarette breaks :) However, I know this isn't the last time we'll speak. Please stay true to yourself and don't lose sight of what you want! I know you are going to have love and happiness throughout your lifetime. Talk to you soon beautiful woman."
This lady is about 6 years younger than I am. She's rather quiet and to herself. She took me by surprise one day when I was going down for some sunshine and a cigarette (yeah, yeah I'm quitting). She asked if she could come along and well of course she could. As soon as we got outside her entire demeanor changed, she was no longer a shy, fashionable, articulate and composed young lady. Her eyes were full of panic, her hands started waving about and she started speaking like a highschooler. She was saying something about a boy she liked, something about family, something about self doubt and her acting career, something she couldn't share with her friends.
I instantly knew that I was on hallowed ground; so I checked my "know it all" ego at the door and listened. I listened to her eyes, the fluctuation in her voice, her body language, her word choice. She was processing, She felt safe with me. Sometimes when people ask for advice you have to know better. She didn't need advice she already knew what to do deep down but her mind was so full of chatter she couldn't listen.
I would usually relate to her some examples of problem solving I'd seen friends use, personal experience or even something I read in a book. I gave her some "advice" but I knew that she was realy just struggling with learning a lesson. I could always tell when she needed to "process" with me. Her face would have a look that said "please ask me what’s wrong". I usually asked so she could begin but if I wasn't up to it I'd just smile warmly at her and give her a hug to which she would reply "How did you know I needed that". I even suggested that we go to church during lunch (she's catholic) on the days she was looking particularly "stuck". Somebody did it for me when I was in my 20's and now it's my turn.
My friend had a baby last week and I got there just in time to see them put the baby in her arms for the first time. When I walked in her face was full of horror and shock. They gave the baby to the new dad to carry to the nursery. I hugged and kissed her, she looked like a frightened little girl. I told her I was going to see the baby in the nursery and she grabbed my arm "you'll stay around for while right?” What I heard was “I need to be relaxed and comforted.” She soon calmed down and it was time for her first feeding. She was a little nervous at first but settled and starred at him making sure he was getting the hang of it. Her face was so serious, then suddenly it softened, she looked up at me and softly whispered "Oh, I like him". What I really heard and saw her say was "I've just fallen in love harder than I could have ever imagined; I didn't even know love could be like this." She was bonding.
Another co-worker of mine returned to work today from a leave of absence. She had cancer and after 8 months is now cancer free. She's an older lady, conservative, soft hearted, sweet, innocent for her age, still married to her high school sweet heart and very involved in her church. Working with her taught me that seemingly totally different people can in fact have a great deal in common. I sometimes related more to her than some of my friends. It's good to see her back. She was talking to me about her experience. Although she was giving her most upbeat shpeel her voice was carrying the sound of doubt and fear. Now that's she's "Cancer free" she no longer has a team of doctors at her disposal. She feels out on her own.
After her shpeel was over I told her "Wow, I bet you learned alot about your body and how to take care of yourself". She replied "Yes, but......" I stopped her "but ultimately our health is in our hands so we have to listen to our body." Then she got excited, she started talking about the process of learning to listen to her body when she was going through chemo. She now pays attention to every little ache, sneeze and swollen this or that. She showed me her Lysol wipes and all her hand sanitizers for the office. She talked about back pain and the massage therapist in me came out. We changed the subject to stretching techniques and her new chiropractor. I told her "Wow, you really are learning to take your health in your own hands." She smiled "Yeah I REALLY am". She just needed to be reminded of all she worked for. I hope that confidence stays with her.
So go out and process with people when you need to, let them boost your confidence, go get that self help book, "Eat Love and Pray", go to church, meditate, get a Deepok Chopra audio series, do yoga, paint, watch Oprah, go out and party, get into a fist fight, get a lover, go get your dream job, whatever you "think" you need to do, do it all, learn. The number one thing that will guide you is clearing up the clutter (not an easy task) in your noggin and learning self reliance through real understanding. Learn to listen to yourself, the self beyond the bla bla bla in your head, learn to sit still and let your inner GPS system calibrate new directions for you. Listen to where you're at, maybe you don't need to push forward so hard. Maybe you need to get off your laurels. Maybe you'll laugh at your self created drama that you're center stage of. Maybe you suddenly know that you are exactly where you need to be. Maybe you need to get out of your head and into action. Maybe you need to let things sit before you act on them. Maybe if you learn how to do this you'll save alot of wasted energy, time and money on people, places, personas, things and thoughts that no longer serve a purpose or maybe you realize you need to open up to them. Keep it Real!
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