The Dark Mother







Baba Yaga

 

Yesterday a friend of mine told me about a counseling session with an abusive mother and her two children the story got me pissed off. Then today I had a lovely lunch at a local treasure here called Baba Yaga’s . Baba Yaga is the name for a witch from Slavic folklore. The story and the name sake of the restaurant got me thinking on the more fearsome aspects of the feminine. The story and the symbol of “The Dark Mother” is an ancient one. The spider as used in the movie “Coraline” is a perfect depiction of the dark mother. A spider weaves illusion to catch her prey, then fully binds and swaddles them to later consume them inside out by draining their prey.

This is the dark the aspect of the feminine that is part of us all regardless of gender. In Jungian psychology this is called the negative side of the Anima Archetype, a woman or a man might be possessed by her negative aspects or project these aspects onto others. It is the extreme of receptivity it is engulfment an ever hungry bottomless pit, a black hole that sucks light, energy and vitality from its object via seduction, criticism, shaming, guilting, physical abuse, smothering, suspicions, accusations, unpredictable moods, irrational fears, and emotional confusion.

I’ve heard many stories from male friends about meeting this aspect in women they have dated. One friend described a moment after he broke up with an ex “I watched the movie There Will Be Blood and when Daniel Day Lewis said “I’m going to suck up ALL the oil” it made me think of her”. Another friend told me of a story that when he was finally leaving his girlfriend she started clinging to him, grabbing him in his struggle to get away she fell and called the cops accusing him of abuse in an attempt to get revenge. I also have a female friend that lived with a man she became engaged to, she had her own room, cheated many times, and being supported by him while in school once she graduated promptly left him.

Then there’s the other side of the coin, men that carry this dark aspect of the feminine in them and project it onto their partners. I had a friend who’s long time boy friend was always overly critical, suspicious of her cheating and leaning on her for money. She could never prove to him that she loved him enough despite picking up the slack for him financially, working overtime and doing all the house cleaning. I myself experienced a man that painted himself to everything I could ever want going from 0 to 60 then started to become moody, giving me sob stories about money problems, until at last his children started exposing the truth to me about his past. Not that my friends and I were innocent victims here. I’m just merely giving examples. Another friend had an ex husband that insisted that she stay home instead of working, chose her clothes for her, kept her on a strict diet and if she ever complained would make her feel guilty to no end about all he did for her.

Snow White's Wicked Stepmom

Another ugly side of “The Dark Mother” are the everyday damaged moms that abuse, emotionally drain and molest their children like the mother in the movie “Precious”. Some of them are simply so absorbed in their own emotional confusion leaving their children deprived of love and affection until they themselves need emotional support. Then there are the “Smothers” the moms that restrict play or live vicariously through their children. The creepy mom in the movie “Black Swan” comes to mind. These types of mothers can be jealous of their daughters and constantly undermined them to keep their self esteem low like the wicked step mother from "Snow White". Mother’s like these give men engulfment, intimacy and commitment fears. As an adult when a woman gets too close emotionally they feel the fear of losing their sense of self. Adult daughters of these types of mothers might suffer from low self esteem, they can make feel incompetent or are frozen and hardened emotionally void. They might become ever clinging, needy and overly critical towards their partners. Some might be cold and indifferent towards intimacy using men as they please or always trying to give an undeserving man the love they never received.

Veiled Sophia

“The Dark Mother” is a powerful symbol all over the world. After the patriarchal religions came to power her symbolic nature was suppressed and the long suffering ever nurturing mother was venerated. Essentially at its core the dark mother aspect is death. She is the womb and the tomb. She is the veiled Sophia or veiled Isis that possesses all the knowledge and mystery of the universe. We fear what we do not understand. It is common in mythologies that a feminine deity is the one to guide humans safely through the underworld to ensure their return to the mundane world. Women since the dawn of man prior to the patriarchal religions have been the keepers of wisdom and spirituality. This is symbolized by the wearing of robes by holy men in Catholicism.

Kali

“The Good Mother” is life giving and nurturing. Like “Mother Nature” she carries the power to bring forth sustain life. The other side of “Mother Nature” is devastating sudden destruction that can annihilate cities in one fell swoop akin to the dark mother. The moon is also an ancient symbol of the feminine. It is receptive to the sun’s light and recasts in on to the earth. Things are not always what they seem under the moons light. The also moon mysteriously controls the ocean tides, human births, and people have long held that it has powers over our emotions.

Santa Muerte

There are many cultural examples of “the Dark Mother”. In ancient Babylon and Jewish myth there’s Lilith who was the first wife of Adam and refused to subject herself to him instead opting to fornicate with demons. She’s the reason Jewish babies were circumcised. There’s the Succubus a female demon that seduces men in their sleep and sucks the life force from them. Kali in Hinduism is a death goddess that demands her followers to venerate her as they would their own mother. She has a skull Necklace, bloody breast, holds a sickle among other weapons and has a skirt of severed heads. She is also one of the main deities worshiped in tantric rituals. Hecate was the goddess of the mysteries, witchcraft and communion with the dead in Egypt. She was also a companion to Persephone Queen of the underworld in ancient Greek mythos. In Africa the Dark Mother evolved into the black Madonna and was related to the Vodun deity Erzulie. In Mexico her Aztec name is Mictecacihuatl she also evolved in to a Madonna like figure called Santa Muerte.  In American Culture we have the Femme Fatal and the overbearing mother complex as popularized in such films as “Black Widow”, “Mommy Dearest”, “Psycho”, and “Fatal Attraction”.

Many people joke about the mood swings of women due to their menstrual cycle. In fact women are by nature connected with the mysterious cycles of life and death via their menstrual cycles. Hormones, mood and the cycle are all connected.  It’s no wonder there was a push for patriarchal ruler ship when you take into consideration the power of the feminine to give or destroy life. To a young child its entire existence is connected and dependent on the Mother. The power to contribute to the future in the mother in front of you in the grocery check out line is nothing to dismiss or take for granted. Essentially women are the guardianship of the future of the human race since they have the power to nurture or cripple each generation. The legacy of generational dysfunction is thus more detrimentally felt and distributed via women. A badly damaged woman will be with a badly damaged man and screw up their children even if she doesn’t intend to, perpetuating the cycle of dysfunction. Despite the good intentions of the mother to be nothing like her mother her early traumatic unconscious programming will recreate it’s self in every aspect of her life. The “Dark Mother” is ever present, we come from her womb into life, then face her at the threshold to adulthood hopefully taking some of her power for our own and growing beyond her limitations she imposed in our life and finally we return to her in death. The song “Rid of Me” by PJ Harvey has always spooked me but I think it’s the perfect song for this post.